Teachers from Ellindon school will never be brought to justice

Just been told today by my solicitors in Cambridge  thats teachers from Ellindon school bretton will not face abuse charges on children at the school there was a couple who worked at school the husband used to pin myself and others on the floor a sports teacher and was a stand in head who was also my maths teacher even took me too his house even I was good when I was 14/15 yrs old  he had a roller coaster in his garden must have went around 3 times he had a lovelly home at school though he  used to crow peck us he really did hurt us I was fond of my maths teacher even came to the house of the couple who were running modelling glamour studio  to make sure everything was ok and above board he said it was all ok they were good people how wrong was I to trust his judgement that so called modelling job was not what it turned out to be that job ruined my whole life I was a 16 yrd but in the real world I am classed as an adult in social services which means what ever happens to you they do not care you an adult when you turn 16 and you are left to defend for yourself that I will never forgive them for because I am not allowed to bring charges other than the Ellindon school case  After I left childrens home I had no contact with social services at all I really needed there help but no one cared  and now listening to the news there is a lot of child abuse cases falling through the net cause social services are not paying attention and also they are under staffed

I wish i could make you proud

I will always love you my darling husband.
That night you died part of me died too.Its getter better with time Have lost weight not been able to eat alot just do not feel hungry just eat enough to survive.My problem now is I am in a style rut have no idea of what suits me plus I do not buy many things as our son comes first I spend alot of time in black trousers and top hair is getting longer and have gone back to blonde which suits me better am so scared of going forward I feel guilty but I know you would want me to move on you were my first love and taught me so much I was only 16 when we met and we got on so well I was habving problems at home and you saved me I feel like a failure I feel like I am a waste of space not being able to afford much widows parent allowance is not alot but enough for our son and bills means I come bottom of list which is right wish I could have a better life to give our son I am trying to stay positive but its all seems to be going wrong why does life have to be so cruel it should of been me that died not you only because you are clever and I feel a waste of space I miss you so much and am so lost without you.I know I am being selfish when there are people worse off and am ashamed at how I feel.Also had a hard time I was going to hospital for a colonoscpy and you were   down as my next of kin. I asked my sister as I am her next of kin as her husband works away alot going into hospital all on my own having camera up my bum it was ok in the end but you should of been with me we always went together with everything have never felt so alone I was in tears and no one to talk to but I talked to you at night to let you know what I am doing still wear wedding ring but on my right hand now and have your wedding ring on a chain with a locket my family brought me with a picture of you inside and some of your hair which I got when your son wanted to see you at the chapel of rest I asked them to cut some of your hair as I could not doo it I also popped a picture of all three of us when you were happy and healthy in your blazer pocket as thats what I picked to dress you in it was your favourite blazer.

2Years 8 months on

Its been 2Years 8 months since you passed away that Sunday night Am just coming to terms that your never coming back even though you are not here you are in my heart and spirit Have also come to terms with there was nothing I could of done about seeing any signs of your colon cancer I think I blamed myself as I was so angry and hurt and it made me feel better at the time now I know nobody could of known.I still miss you so much all our so called friends we had left me after the funeral but I made some friends on the Way Foundation forum they were with me all the way helping me understand my emotions could not have done without them I still go on forum but am slowely starting to smile again its just about taking baby steps one day at a time.I still struggle with everything still going wrong and wish when things will get better.Our son is at college and has a part job you would be proud of your son he has a girlfriend and have been together a long time.I feel odd as I am feeling lonelly and miss our hugs and laughs we had together.

mels 1972: Its been just under 15 months since husband passed...

mels 1972: Its been just under 15 months since husband passed...: Can not belive its been this long since you died yet it only feels like yesterday I miss you so much my heart is aching so much its been...

Its been just under 15 months since husband passed away.

Can not belive its been this long since you died yet it only feels like yesterday I miss you so much my heart is aching so much its been very hard trying to carry on but I have our son who needs me and I owe to him to be around he now has his lovelly girlfriend I feel so lonelly the house feels quiet would love to buy this house as its were you took your last breath that Sunday night you never know I might win the lottery this house would be the first thing I buy so you will be with me all the time I still keep your ashes in the front room you would never know as the casket looks like a jewlery box and is the same colour as the unit you are proud of place on the top with your phone ear piece you used to moan that it needed charging all the time but you were on the phone alot you always had time for every body

About Me

 

Widowed mother of a son who is doing A levels was with husband for 22 years there was a 23 year age gap which did not mater he was my best friend I do not have alot but alot of love and care to give could never afford own house my husband was very un well for years then he goes and gets cancer and within 3 months of op he died part of me died too that night heart will always be broken he was my first and only love of my life apart from our son.

i dedicate my blog to my late husband

 while writing my blog still have lots to do on it all my life no one really cared for me like my Tom he taught about life i know things were not good to begin with but he saved me i owe him every thing we never had a lot of money but he was my soul mate best friend and husband in one from the first day i met him there was something about him i liked he was so warming to me when his wife and daughter did not want the hassle of having a girl in care that came with so much baggage we were together 23 years and married for 19 years last may 2010 and we have a lovely son who looks and acts like his dad when you died part of me died that night in  Feb 2010 my heart will always remain broken and that's the way i want it you were my first and only love now you have gone you will always be in my heart and thoughts every single day most days go in a blur i know if you could see me now you would be saying you need to eat more and get out more but i have no interest in food i eat 6 weetabix around six a clock and not much else never feel hungry but eats a little cause the body needs it and I have a son to take care of why oh why did it have to be you that died and not someone else but it was you i try to think that we had so many years together and most of those were wild

losing husband to cancer

I thought we would be together for ever but all the changed when you had Colon Cancer in late  2009 you had a operation to remove the cancer then followed by chemo every other week which made you very ill you were always in hospital after your chemo session then in then 2 months later year you were very poorly your liver blood results were not good and were given an ultra scan but the doctors could not see a lot so you had a ct scan end of of that month we were due to go hospital in the February for the results but you were rushed in on a few days before in February were the local registrar told me you had cancer of the liver and the lining of the stomach and that you were dying you asked me what he said and I told you that was hard later the doctor told me to get our son to the hospital as they thought you were going to dye that night of a heartache the look on our sons face was horrible he could not stop crying when he saw you we stayed till late with our close friends we left late that night and came back in the morning to speak to your oncologist she could not believe the results of the ct scan.
I was also told by the MC millians nurses that did you have a will we did not a friend phoned solicitors not far from hospital to come and see you to make the will you could not talk well as you were on a lot of medication but you were able to sign the will can not believe this was happening to you our son and I visited you all hours as you slept a lot you even had some trifle I brought in at 2.00 in the morning.By Tuesday I decided I wanted you at home the mc millians arranged every thing for us and you came home Wednesday of February  at 4pm you were so happy to be home we had a hospital bed in the living room carers coming in and out all day they were great and you also had a night carer in at 10pm till 8.am so I could get some rest and to make sure someone was with you all the time I was so happy to have you home but by Sunday morning in February things changed the night carer said you had a bad night I called doctor out as you were waving your arms every were and you would not respond to me when doctor came he knew you were in real pain and as well as your key drive medication he gave you a big dose of morphine and a relaxer after that you stayed asleep all day close friends came later that day but by 8.pm your breathing changed and by 9.28pm you took your last breath with my son and me and two close friends by your side you died at 9.30 pm that night I had lost you for ever as my husband father best friend and soul mate my heart was broken and could never be fixed

How I feel now your not here

How I feel now your not here

That night you passed away I think i was feeling numb it was if I was in a dream and I would wake up and you would be here with me and our son the next day went in a blur our friend got me to bring all paper work down to change the details as every thing was in your name which I was happy about we did every thing together me and you our friend phoned all companies and the name was changed that same day I picked up your paper work from doctors to which I had to take to registry office to list your death that was very hard especialy as a wedding was taking place the day after you passed on the Monday our friends me and our son went to funeral directors we had to decide on what we wanted to the sort of coffin the flowers and we decided DaD flowers were better than husband we had a big display on your coffin I felt nothing it was if it was somebody else I came home and it was just me and your son alone at home I kept crying and staring at the couch that you sat on had a bad nights sleep the next morning Tuesday I was feeling very angry with everone and myself why did I not notice your simptoms earlier had I missed them did our oncoligist know you were dying did anyone know this would of been our last christmas and new year together one thing that stands out when you decided you wanted to change the car for a newer one you kept on pushing this was after christmas and then you were on internet looking at cars we visited a few places then in January we found the one we like it was a vauxal vectra simular to our mondeo we paid for car then picked it up 2 days later we wanted to put our private number plate on new car we went to dvla I said you can be the owner of the new car but you would not have you insisted it was in my name now when I look back I think you knew something was wrong we sat in bed talking as you spent most time in bed while you were on chemo I remember crying and saying to you whats happening the first thing you said was something about funerals I sad not that subject you told the nurse who came out to flush your hickmen line you thought your tumour in your colon was back as there was a lump she said it could be scar tissue but you knew in Feb you had appointment for another ct scan as the last time you were in hospital your blood and liver results had changed alot I did not understand and thought everything will be ok but they had stopped your chemo after the 3rd session as you were in and out of hospital every time you had chemo by the time we went for your scan you could not walk far i got you a wheelchair what was strange was i did not notice your skin changing colour well i did but tried not to you were looking sicker and sicker it was like i had switched the reality part of my brain off I was scared